The following post was inspired by the book Never Eat Alone written by Keith Ferrazzi with Tahl Raz.
You’ve got to be more than willing to accept generosity. Often, you’ve got to go out and ask for it…Until you become as willing to ask for help as you are to give it, however, you are only working half the equation.
Never Eat Alone
American culture romanticizes independence and the myth of the self made man. The idea that we can do it all alone is perpetuated in our language with phrases like “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” and “self-starter.” We like to think that everybody successful got that way because of their innate talent and abilities.
But nothing could be farther from the truth. There is no such thing as a self made man. Everybody has been the benefactor of generous help at one time or another in their career.
There is no such thing as a ‘self-made’ man. We are made up of thousands of others. Everyone who has ever done a kind deed for us, or spoken one word of encouragement to us, has entered into the make-up of our character and of our thoughts, as well as our success.
George Burton Adams
Leading up to the summer of my Sophomore year in college, I was glumly anticipating another summer working at he local pool and spa store back in my hometown. It had been yet another unsuccessful weekend at the engineering Career Fair where many of my classmates had lined up their first engineering internships.
After a few days of feeling disappointed, I received a phone call from a family friend who also happened to be the Vice President of a well known manufacturing company. Mr. Nyeholt invited me to apply for one of their summer internships online and offered to do what he could to help me get in.
That act of generosity was a small thing for him, but it had a profound effect on my trajectory. The experience working for his company that summer gave me the momentum I needed to land my next internship with an even bigger company, which eventually led to my first job out of college.
I didn’t ask for Mr. Nyeholt’s generosity, but I was wise enough to accept it. Accepting generosity isn’t always easy. Our pride and ego can get in the way. Sometimes we decline acts of generosity because we feel that there’s no way we could possibly repay that person in the future. I certainly knew there was nothing I could do to repay Mr. Nyeholt that summer.
But repayment isn’t the point of generosity. Keeping score is a self defeating attitude.
You grow a valuable network by first being willing to freely accept the generosity of others. You don’t need to repay them, and likewise you shouldn’t expect repayment for your generosity.
A network works because there’s a common understanding of mutual needs. We all need something from somebody else. Everybody is connected through a web of relationships. By freely sharing our time, skills, and expertise, the pie gets bigger for everyone.
Our personal connections are networks just like the internet. The more people you have in your network, the more valuable it becomes. As your network grows, so does your access to ideas, resources, and opportunities.
And in today’s economy, we need generous alliances more than ever. Where we used to find our connections within our own company and community, the rapid rate of change requires leaning into larger networks to propel our careers.
Today, however, employers offer little loyalty, and employees give none. Our careers aren’t paths so much as landscapes that are navigated. We’re free agents, entrepreneurs, and intrapreneurs – each with our own unique brand.
Never Eat Alone
In the world of building networks, generosity is key. The more you help others achieve what they want, the more likely you’ll have a resource down the road available and willing to reciprocate the help.
Mr. Nyeholt understood this concept when he made a long-term investment in his network by helping me land my first internship. And as a small act of reciprocity, I kept in touch with his son who was a couple years behind me in school. I gave him practical advice that I wish I had when I was going through college.
Give and receive without keeping score. Pure generosity has a way of keeping track of itself. Building a valuable network is as simple as seeking out opportunities to add value wherever and with whomever you can.
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