Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In

Read on Amazon

3 Sentence Summary

Getting To Yes is the seminal book on negotiating strategy and tactics. Each chapter offers concise, step-by-step instructions for reaching an agreement that satisfies both parties. Applicable whether you’re an elder statesman working to pass a bill, or an employee seeking a raise, this is a must read on the art of win-win negotiations.

5 Key Takeaways

1. Separate the people from the problem.
2. Focus on interests, not positions.
3. Work together to create options that will satisfy both parties.
4. Insist on using objective criteria.
5. Do the opposite of what the other side expects.

Getting To Yes Summary

Don’t Bargain Over Positions

• As more attention is paid to positions, less attention is devoted to meeting the underline concerns of the parties
• Bargaining over positions creates incentives that stall settlement. In positional bargaining you try to improve the chance that any settlement reached is favorable to you by starting with an extreme position, by stubbornly holding on to it, by deceiving the other party as to your true views, and by making small concessions only as necessary to keep the negotiations going
• (1) Separate the people from the problem
• Participants should come to see themselves as working side-by-side, attacking the problem, not each other
• (2) Focus on interests, not positions
• (3) Before trying to reach agreements, invent options for mutual gain
• (4) Insist on using objective criteria. This way neither party need give in to the other. Both can defer to a fair solution

1. Separate the People from the Problem

• Deal with people problems directly. Don’t try to solve them with substantive concessions
• Understanding the other side’s thinking is not simply a useful activity that will help you solve your problem. Their thinking is the problem. Whether you are making a deal or settling a dispute, differences are defined by the difference between your thinking and theirs
• Put yourself in their shoes. How you see the world depends on where you sit. People tend to see what they want to see.
• The ability to see the situation as the other side sees it, as difficult as it may be, is one of the most important skills a negotiator can possess. It is not enough to know that they see things differently. If you want to influence them to, you also need to understand empathetically the power of their point of view and to feel the emotional force with which they believe in it
• Don’t deduce their intentions from your fears. People tend to assume that whatever they fear, the other side intends to do
• It is all too easy to fall into the habit of putting the worst interpretation on what the other side says or does.
• Don’t blame them for your problems
• Even if blaming is justified, it is usually counterproductive. Under attack, the other side will become a defensive and will resist what you have to say
• Discuss each other’s perceptions. One way to deal with differing perceptions is to make them explicit and discuss them with the other side
• Look for opportunities to act inconsistently with their perceptions. Perhaps the best way to change their perceptions is to send them a message different from what they expect
• Give them a stake in the outcome by making sure they participate in the process. If they are not involved in the process, they are hardly likely to approve of the product
• Get them involved early. Ask their advice. Giving credit generously for ideas wherever possible will give them a personal stake in defending those ideas to others
• First recognize and understand emotions, theirs and yours
• Make emotions explicit and acknowledge them as legitimate. Talk with the people on the other side about their emotions. Talk about your own
• Allow the other side to let off steam. Often, one effective way to deal with people’s anger, frustration, and other negative emotions is to help them release those feelings
• Don’t react to emotional outbursts
• Listen actively and acknowledge what is being said
• Unless you can convince them that you do grasp how they see it, you may be unable to explain your viewpoint to them
• Speak to be understood. Talk to the other side. It is easy to forget sometimes that a negotiation is not a debate. Nor is it a trial. You’re not trying to persuade some third party
• Speak about yourself, not about them. In many negotiations, each side explains and condemns at great lengths the motivations and intentions of the other side. It is more persuasive, however, to describe a problem in terms of its impact on you than in terms of what they did or why.
• Speak for a purpose. sometimes the problem is not too little communication, but too much. When anger and misperception are high, some thoughts are best left unsaid.
• Build a working relationship. Knowing the other side personally really does help.
• The time to develop such a relationship is before the negotiation begins. Get to know them and find out about their likes and dislikes. Find ways to meet them informally
• Benjamin Franklin’s favorites technique was to ask an adversary if he could borrow a certain book. This would flatter the person and give him the comfortable feeling of knowing that Franklin owed him a favor
• The basic approach is to deal with the people as human beings and with the problem on its own merits

2. Focus on Interests, Not Positions

• Behind opposed positions lie shared and compatible interest, as well as conflicting ones
• In many negotiations a close examination of the underlined interests will reveal the existence of many more interest that are shared or compatible than ones that are opposed
• Identify interests by asking “why” and “why not.” Think about their choices.
• Analyze the consequences, as the other side would probably see them, of agreeing or refusing to make the decision you are asking for
• If you want someone to listen and understand your reasoning, give them interest and reasoning first and your conclusions or proposals later
• You will satisfy your interest better if you talk about where you would like to go rather than about where you have come from. Instead of arguing with the other side about the past, talk about what you want to have happen in the future
• A well-known theory of psychology, the theory of cognitive dissonance, holds that people dislike inconsistency and will act to eliminate it. By attacking a problem, such as speeding trucks on a neighborhood street, and at the same time giving the company representative positive support, you create cognitive dissonance for him. To overcome this dissonance, he will be tempted to disassociate himself from the problem in order to join you and doing something about it

The Most Powerful Interests Are Basic Human Needs

• Security
• Economic well-being
• A sense of belonging
• Recognition
• Control over one’s life

3. Invent Options for Mutual Gain

• Expand the pie before dividing it. Skill at inventing options is one of the most powerful assets a negotiator can have. 
• Invent first, decide later. Since judgment hinders imagination, separate the creative act from the critical one. Separate the process of thinking up possible decisions from the process of selecting among them
• Look for items that are of low cost to you and high benefits to them and vice versa
• Impressed with the merits of their own case, people usually pay too little attention to ways of advancing their case by taking care of interest on the other side

3 Points to Remember About Shared Interests

1. Shared interests lie latent in every negotiation
2. Shared interests are opportunities, not God sends. To be of use, you need to make something out of them. It helps to make a shared interest explicit into formulated as a shared goal
3. Shared interest can make the negotiation smoother and more amicable

4. Insist on Using Objective Criteria

• Agree first on principles. Before even considering possible terms, you may want to agree on the standard or standards to apply
• Insisting that an agreement be based on objective criteria does not mean insisting that it’s be based solely on the criterion you advance. One standard of legitimacy does not preclude the existence of others
• Pressure can take many forms. A bribe, a threat, manipulative appeal to trust, or a simple refusal to budge
• Never yielded to pressure, only to principal
• When pressured, invite them to state their reasoning, suggest objective criteria that you think apply, and refuse to budge except on this basis

What If They Are More Powerful? (Develop Your BATNA – Best Alternative To a Negotiate Agreement)

• The better your BATNA, the greater your power
• The relative negotiating power of two parties depends primarily upon how attractive to each is the option of not reaching agreement
• Consider the other side’s BATNA. This will give you realistic estimate of what you can expect from the negotiation

Develop Your BATNA

1. Invent a list of actions you might conceivably take if no agreement is reached
2. Improve some of the most promising ideas and convert them into practical alternatives
3. Select, tentatively, the one alternative that seems best

What If They Won’t Play? (Use Negotiation Jujitsu)

• Don’t attack their position, look behind it. When the other side sets forth their position, neither rejected nor accept it. Treat it as one possible option. Look for the interest behind its, seek out the principles which it reflects, and think about ways to improve it.
• Assume every position they take is a genuine attempt to address the basic concerns of each side. Ask them how they think it addresses the problem at hand.
• Don’t defend your ideas, invite criticism and advice. A lot of time in negotiation is spent criticizing. Rather than resisting the other side’s criticism, invite it. Instead of asking them to accept or reject an idea, ask them what’s wrong with it.
• Recast an attack on you as an attack on the problem. When the other side attacks you personally resist the temptation to defend yourself or to attack them back.
• Ask questions and pause.  Statements generates resistance, whereas questions generate answers.
• Silence is one of your best weapons. Use it
• Some of the most effective negotiating you will ever do is when you are not talking
• Making yourself open to correction and persuasion is a pillar in the strategy of principled negotiation

What If They Use Dirty Tricks? (Taming the Hard Bargainer)

• Separate the people from the problem. Unless you have a good reason to trust somebody, don’t. This does not mean calling him a liar. Rather it means making the negotiation proceed independent of trust
• Do not assume that the other side has full authority just because they are negotiating with you. Before starting on any give-and-take, find out about the authority of the other side

More Books Like Getting To Yes

If you enjoyed Getting To Yes, check out these similar book summaries:

• Getting Past No
• Dealmaking
• How to Win Friends and Influence People
• Emotional Intelligence
• The Art of War